Being single

On the note of breakups and the joys of being single, I feel the need to address connotations of being older and single. The cultural connotation, especially for older single women, is that they should be pitied. I personally respect older women who are single for breaking the norm. There is absolutely no reason women should be ashamed of being single, and no reason they should be judged for it.

As I stated in my previous post, my mother is recently divorced, and she is 51. While she is proud and happy to be single, she has always been an independent type, and, just as she advised me to after my breakup, she has always maintained a positive attitude about her situation despite the fact that she never wanted to get a divorce. Not all women have this same attitude, however, and I wish they could.

One of the biggest problems is the assumption that everybody wants to be in a relationship and/or married. Some people prefer to be single, or are in no rush to be in a serious relationship. I read a number of articles about single older women (given that I’m younger and don’t have the greatest perspective on the matter), and one of my favorites was “Don’t Demonize Singles: there’s a lot of us about” by Joan Smith. She discusses the “pleasures” of living single, including “spending an entire day in bed reading novels and eating chocolate” which are commonly “overlooked”.  Now I’m not every woman, and I’m not exactly an older woman, but that sounds like perfection to me!

I think women are often afraid of being alone because of the stereotype that we are meant to be with a man; we are meant to live at home and wear a red and white checkered apron in our kitchen while cooking for our bread-winning husbands; we’re supposed to drive mini vans to chauffeur our mini half-selves around to soccer practice and dance lessons. While I intend to marry and have children someday, I’m in no hurry to do so, and I have no desire to fit the stereotype of a submissive housewife. I want to be on my own feet, making plenty of money for myself and contributing to the household funds. I love to cook (and, in fact, would love to wear a red and white checkered apron), but I have absolutely no intention of staying home to cook all day while waiting for the man of the house to return home.

More and more women are changing from the traditional role in households, and more power to them! There is nothing shameful about being traditional or radical or anywhere in between, but women shouldn’t feel the need to marry at 26 and have children at 28 if that’s not what they want to do. Be happy with who you are – no matter what age you’re at – before becoming dependent on someone else.